Honoring the Soul in Addiction

Addiction. It can creep up on you without you having any clue. It takes a good friend or three to courageously pull you aside, in the midst of the “fix” to intervene and bring you back to reality. Over the last month I had been descending into the dark depths of addiction. I had no idea it was this bad. I was blinded to it. My logical brain was trying to get it through to me but the emotions wouldn’t have it. The emotional high felt in this addiction overpowered my logic. The emotional lows in this addiction turned off the logic all together and stripped me of my confidence and sense of self.

The soul seeks the same sort of peace that we find in feeding our addictions. From my experience with both the natural high of peace and the peace from addictions I can tell you they can mirror each other. But the fact is that the peace from feeding addictions is a poor reflection on the real thing. A few years back when I had met Dr. Hawkins and asked him the infamous ridiculous question, I was lifted into this place of ultimate peace and unconditional love. It was a high that lasted for a good month or so. Then the karmic merit expired for that experience and I was back to “normal”.

No matter what I do or how many times I see Dr. Hawkins, I cannot seem to get that back. All I can hold onto is that it is possible and someday I will feel it and experience it and live it again. This most recent addiction took me to a place that was similar, yet an inaccurate reflection, to that first Dr. Hawkins experience. And, it took me to deeper depths of torment than the gentle return to “normal” after being in the presence of Dr. Hawkins.

I could not see this until last night. I did not want to think that what I was feeling and experiencing was merely an addictive chemical reaction to my new drug of choice. But it is. It saddens me as withdrawal is never easy and usually painful. Thankfully the addiction did not affect my physical body, although I would prefer to go through the physical withdrawal symptoms. The emotional addictions, to me, seem so much more difficult. When the brain starts to think that you need this drug to survive, how hard it is to convince it is wrong.

My soul is seeking. My ego thought it would help the soul. Nice of the ego to do so but the ego has its own selfish motives. It does not want the soul to awaken to Truth. The ego is afraid of Love, which is the main food of the soul. I love my ego. It is such a cute little puppy dog that just wants to play and have fun. It really does not mean me harm. It just does not have the knowledge needed to awaken my soul or guide my soul. It was trying to help when it introduced me to this drug. But, it just led me further away from the light within me.

Thank you to my friends who love me and can pull me aside to have the tough conversations. Thank you to my friends who can talk me down from the insanity of the aftermath of the drug and bring me back to grounding. Who can bring me back to my soul. I love you guys!