Fear

Fear. 

This one word could define my whole life. If there is one thing that has haunted me and worked hard to control me the last 49 plus years – it is Fear. Fear of, literally everything. I am amazed that I have been able to force myself through many of my Fears through the years, but there are many that still paralyze me. It isn’t always easy to get out of bed or go to work or talk to friends or people. Fear is my life partner, closer than any lover I have ever had. Fear knows the depth of my heart and the perfect words to whisper to bring me to my knees and knock the breath out of me. It can strike me down with one look or one word or one feeling. 

Right now Fear is making a strong comeback and trying to push its way between me and the peace I have fought so hard to develop these last few years. The reason, I believe, is because I have started to fully push back on it and stop it in its tracks before it can get a hold of my mind. And like any unhealthy lover you try to change your pattern with, it is striking back. It is yelling louder, physically attacking me, and emotionally beating me up. Fear is not holding back now that I am fully engaged and awake to its game. 

I can only pray that each step I take, counting down from 5 and then acting opposite the Fear, continues to give me the courage to push past this bully and move forward in my life. I can only hope that each breath I release, instead of holding in, pushes me past these Fears that tell me friends will think I am creepy or strangers will think there is something wrong with my mental facilities. 

Thoughts, when given too much time, betray my best interests as they side with the Fear and start telling me stories which in turn actually produce awkward encounters or conversations or moments with friends or strangers. These encounters than bring about the real view that I am creepy or have mental deficiencies. The Fear paralyzes me and wins. It wins almost every time. Then I pull back from people and disappear letting Fear hold me in the darkness of our lover’s hideaway. The longer I let Fear hold me, the harder it is to leave it behind and try again. The older I get the harder it is and the more tired I become of living like this at all.

It is my hope, that I can use “The 5 Second Rule” to push through this Fear, then hold the Fear at bay, and eventually overcome all of the Fears that paralyze me each and every day. I long to be free and to live fully. Thank you Mel Robbins for the knowledge and practice that works when I remember to put it into play.